WHITT’S END 8.18.23:
Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
*Tony Dorsett, Bronco. Emmitt Smith as a Cardinal. Calvin Hill and Duane Thomas with the Redskins. Herschel Walker an Eagle and a Giant.
And now, joining the list of the most uncomfortable running back sights in Dallas Cowboys history, here comes Ezekiel Elliott as a member of the New England Patriots.
By any statistical metric, Zeke is the third-best running back in franchise history. He has more rushing titles than Dorsett (2-0), a better yards-per-carry average than Emmitt (4.4-4.2) and the third-most yards and touchdowns. By my unofficial math, he’s also one of the most beloved Cowboys to play during the current, 27-year drought.
For seven years fans mimicked his “Feed Zeke!” celebration after long runs, cheered his playful antics such as hopping in the big Salvation Army kettle on Thanksgiving, and were wowed by his two rushing crowns and 80 combined touchdowns.
It’s going to be weird at AT&T Stadium this season – first since 2015 – without Elliott. But even more strange with him.
Says best friend and former teammate Dak Prescott, “I can’t imagine taking the field without him. … Talk about being a great teammate, a professional, there’s not many better than Zeke that I’ve seen in my time.”
If history holds, when Zeke and his shorter hair and new No. 15 return “home” Oct. 1 as a Patriot he will get a warm welcome, a motivated defense, minimal production, and a loss.
Herschel was 0-5 returning to Texas Stadium to face the Cowboys with Philly and New York, his lone highlight a 32-yard touchdown catch in 1994. Thomas was 0-2, his two-touchdown performance in 1974 overshadowed by rookie quarterback Clint Longley’s Thanksgiving heroics. Emmitt was humiliated in his lone homecoming, carrying six times for minus-1 yard in a 2003 loss. The only win by a returning running back was by Hill, who scored on a 15-yard run in Washington’s win in 1976.
In all, ’Boys backs back home are 1-9, with only one (Thomas) rushing for more than 50 yards.
Like the others before him, Zeke involuntarily became an ex-Cowboy before he becomes a former NFL player.
Irritated that newcomer Walker was both cutting his workload and receiving a bigger salary, Dorsett demanded a trade in 1987. At 34, the future Hall of Famer was traded to Denver for a fifth-round draft choice.
While Walker amassed 2,000 combined yards and went to the Pro Bowl in 1988 in Dallas, Dorsett played one mediocre season (703 rushing yards) in Denver – he never played against the Cowboys – before suffering a career-ending knee injury in training camp in 1989. Smith also left the Cowboys at 34 and in the twilight of his career.
In 2003 new head coach Bill Parcells desired younger players, so Dallas cut Emmitt to make room for … Troy Hambrick. While Hambrick led a 10-6 playoff team with 942 rushing yards, Smith signed with Arizona and ran for a combined 1,193 yards and 11 touchdowns in his final two seasons of football.
Hill was the franchise’s first 1,000-yard back and a four-time Pro Bowl selection before being allowed to leave as a free agent. Thomas scored the first touchdown at Texas Stadium, led the NFL with 11 rushing touchdowns and helped Dallas win Super Bowl VI but was still traded.
Just four years ago, Zeke ended a training camp holdout by signing a six-year, $90 million contract extension that made him the highest-paid running back in NFL history. In Week 4 – cast aside by the Cowboys for younger, better Tony Pollard – he’ll return to Arlington as a backup on a non-playoff team making a base salary of $3 million.
And, as the enemy. Who history says will fail.
*Difficult to get excited about the NBA when it’s 108 degrees, but the Dallas Mavericks’ schedule is injecting some noticeable cool into our Hellscape. Luka Doncic, Kyrie Irving and rookie center Dereck Lively II get Victor Wembanyama’s Spurs on Opening Night and Kevin Durant’s Suns on Christmas. Game(s) on!
*With only one-fourth (41 games) of the season remaining, your Texas Rangers are 23 games over .500 and 2.5 games ahead of the Astros in the AL West. They’ve had 12 sellouts at Globe Life Field. Since the July 30 blockbuster trade, pitching ace Max Scherzer is 3-0 with an ERA of 1.80. We’re drowning in positives. Alas, we’re also greedy. In Wednesday’s 2-0 loss to the Angels, the Rangers in the 9th inning came within inches of a game-tying double by Jonah Heim and just a couple feet short of a three-run, walk-off homer by Travis Jankowski. With two runners on, Heim’s rope down the right-field lines curled just foul and Jankowski’s drive to right-center died on the warning track. Buckle up, the final six weeks will be an emotional rollercoaster.
*With the growing popularity/availability of legal sports gambling, why do fans still play Fantasy Football? Rooting for real players on real teams to win real games and real money – real fast – seems so much more alluring.
*The Colts announced this week they’ll start rookie Anthony Richardson, the eighth consecutive year they’ll have a different quarterback in Week 1. The Cowboys have their share of woes, but quarterback continuity isn’t one of them. Over the last 17 years (counting 2023), they’ve amazingly had only two quarterbacks take the first snap of the season: Dak (8) and Tony Romo (9).
*My 82-year-old Mom recently suffered a fall and spent a couple days in the hospital. She’s fine now. Has her appetite back. Even though it’s the appetite straight out of a 6-year-old’s trick-or-treat sack.
*Micah Parsons got into a fight this week at Cowboys camp, threw punches at the helmeted head of center Tyler Biadasz and … loved every minute of it?
*Watched Dirk Nowitzki’s Hall of Fame induction last weekend and was seriously bummed that neither Don nor Donnie Nelson made it to Springfield for the momentous occasion. Without them – Donnie found him; Don molded him – there is no Dirk in Dallas. Big Nellie has a legit excuse, as he for years has lived on the Hawaiian island of Maui. He owns a coffee shop (complete with poker room) there and several rental homes. During the catastrophic fires, the 83-year-old has opened his doors to those needing emergency shelter. Donate to Maui fire victims here.
*Hot.
*Not.
*Forget the pomp and circumstance, Zeke’s addition to the Patriots makes the Cowboys’ Week 4 game more difficult. Dalvin Cook to the Jets doesn’t help Week 2, either.
*Still 136 days left in 2023, but I’ve already got my pick for video of the year. Combine a form-fitting Rugrats onesie, house shoes, failed shoplifting, an Elliott No. 21 jersey and a half-gallon of milk in a Deep Ellum Tom Thumb and, voila, … magic!
*Dirk’s done it all, right? Championship. MVP. Hall of Fame. Retired number. Statue. Street namesake. So now what? He’s going to formally become a U.S. citizen, that’s what. He and wife, Jessica, have held “green cards” for four years and can apply next Summer. I think “King of Dallas” will look pretty salty on his application.
*A former Marine-turned-Good Samaritan stops to help victims of a hit-and-run crash near Fair Park and is run over and killed by … a hit-and-run driver. Vacationers in Maui die when they jump in the ocean and drown while attempting to escape being burned alive by sweeping wildfires. But, please staunch Southern Baptists, go on about how everything that happens is perfectly according to God’s majestic plan.
*It got lost in the buzz over Deuce Vaughan, but Mike McCarthy’s first game calling offensive plays since 2018 went off almost without a hitch last week. He said there was a communication error when he used an old Packers term instead of a new “Texas Coast Offense” term.
But regarding the operation? No delay-of-game penalties. No frantic timeouts at the line with the play-clock dwindling. Refreshing.
*From the Dept. of Lemons Into Lemonade: The Lakewood “crazy airplane lady” who threw a fit to get off a flight because she swore a person on the plane wasn’t “real” is turning her 15 minutes of infamy into a website … and a brand? Wait, was all that merely a marketing stunt?
If so, gross. But kinda genius. But more gross, especially to the people forced to de-plane because of her bizarre outbursts.
*How have the Rangers soared to 72-49? With pitching, sure. Defense? Yup. But, mostly, an offense that comes at you from nine spots in the batting order. With Corey Seager’s two-homer night this week, they now have an MLB-leading nine games in which a different player has had at least five RBI.
*Dallas mass transportation (DART) turned 40 years old this week. I remember when it launched in 1983 and we were promised it would revolutionize how we thought about getting from point A to point B in our city. I’ve ridden it three times, maybe.
*It’s much more a sign of lagging local TV sports rather than sagging interest in the Cowboys, but NBC5 didn’t trek back out to the west coast for the end of training camp or Saturday’s preseason game in Seattle. Even more shocking, Fox4 bagged its annual Jerry Jones “exclusive” without attending a single day of training camp.
*Good people, great cause. In my 37 writing in DFW, I’ve rarely come across more inspirational folks than Rick and Tancy Turner. Their Spirit of a Hero Foundation helps wounded veterans, and is hosting its annual gala Sept. 9 in Frisco. If you can’t attend (buy your tickets here), please donate to one of our best, most important local charities.
*While Dak hasn’t taken a preseason snap since what seems like his rookie year (actually 2019), I turned on the Kansas City Chiefs’ exhibition opener last weekend and there was reigning MVP Patrick Mahomes playing, passing, even scrambling and running out of the pocket.
There is no consensus blueprint for how NFL teams handle their stars in fake games. No quibbling with the Cowboys’ plan. Scroll up for “quarterback continuity.”
*Though I despise what Elon Musk has done/is doing to the important social media megaphone formerly known as Twitter, he left me with only two choices: 1. Bitch and moan and scramble to find a free, comparable alternative to TweetDeck; 2. Pay $7 a month for a tool that used to be free, but is nonetheless priceless in my line of work. Grudgingly, I caved.
*This Weekend? Friday let’s catch Rangers-Brewers in Arlington. Saturday let’s hang out with Big Brothers Big Sisters lil’ bro Ja and watch Cowboys-Seahawks. Sunday let’s lather on the sunscreen and play tennis. As always, don’t be a stranger.
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